「ロックの殿堂(Rock and Roll Hall of Fame)」の受賞式典が昨夜ニューヨークで開催されたそうな。今回の受賞者はELOやイエスやジャーニーなど。ロックの殿堂って大衆受けする連中しか選出されないし、年寄りの同窓会という印象が強くてそれってロックじゃないよね、と個人的には思うのです。ましてやイエスみたいなプログレっておれあまり聴かないし、特にキーボードのリック・ウェイクマンってふんぞり返った大御所みたいなイメージがあって好きではなかったのですが、彼の受賞スピーチがなぜか下ネタ満載のスタンダップコメディのごとき内容になっていて大変面白かったので、例によって英語の勉強として訳してみる。原文はこちら。
このマイクもっと上にあがる？俺の人生そのまんまだな（笑い）。まあいいや。この受賞式に来ることができて幸せな理由は２つあります。１つはイエスのメンバーとしてロックの殿堂に入れてもらったことですね。もう１つは、言うべきではないかもしれませんが、この建物から半マイルもいかない場所で、私は意義のある性経験を初めてしたということです（笑い）。いやいや、そんなに良くなかったかな。
スティーブ・ハウが妻に感謝の言葉を述べたように、私も自分の妻に感謝します。残念ながら彼女はこの場にいません。今朝彼女のもとを離れたとき、彼女は昏睡状態でした。セックスはいつも通りでしたが洗濯物がたまってましたね。
イエスのメンバーに加えて、私は自分に大きな影響を与えてくれた父親に感謝します。彼も芸能界で働いてましてね。うちの家族はとても貧しかったんですが、彼はエルビスの物真似をやってました。1947年にはまったく需要がなかったのですが（笑い）。彼は多くのことを教えてくれました。私を座らせて、「いいか、安くて汚いストリップ小屋なんかに行くなよ。目にしたくもないものを見ることになるぞ」と教えてくれたので、もちろん私はストリップ小屋に行きました。そしたら親父がいるのを目にしたのです（笑い）。
イエスを招いてくれて、ロックの殿堂には大変感謝しています。実のところ（今日スピーチをする）３番目のバンドとなったのは幸運でした。年をとると前立腺が肥大してトイレが近くなってね。真面目な話、前立腺の検査がいかに重要かをお伝えしたいです。私も月曜日にやったばかりでね、女性たちは知らないでしょうがしんどいものですよ。胎児の姿勢になってね、ゴムの手袋をつける音がして、ホリネズミが体内を駆け上ってる感じがします。検査中に医者が言うんですよ。「恥ずかしがらなくていいですよウェイクマンさん、この状況で勃起するのは普通ですから」って。「でも先生、私は勃起してないですよ」と言ったら「知ってます。私がしてるんです」だって。
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